Military shooters and quirky Japanese titles. Yup, it’s a week of multiplayer video game releases, alright.

Pick of the Week: Heavenly Guardian 2D Shooter | PS2 Ever heard of the Pocky & Rocky series? No? I’ll wait for you to get caught up. All done? Heavenly Guardian is a spiritual successor to the Pocky & Rocky series in that “it’s a full-fledged Pocky & Rocky sequel but the developer couldn’t secure the license” sort of way. The game plays like a linear, level-based version of Robotron, as you blast your way through hordes of baddies with some good ol’ fashioned directional shooting. They don’t make them like this anymore. Except on Xbox Live Arcade, that is. The game is co-op from start to finish, comes at a budget price, and is unbelievably fun. Play this game! Unless you hate being entertained, of course.

Runner-Up: Lost Planet: Extreme Condition Third-Person Shooter | PS3 Yes, it’s just a PS3 port of the year-old Xbox 360 and PC game, but that doesn’t make it any less fun. In fact, the PS3 version of Lost Planet is the definitive version, with “superior” graphics sure to trigger flame wars on video game message boards and all of the Xbox 360’s DLC. It’s a mech game, and it’s fun. Often times, those two things are mutually exclusive. If you haven’t yet played the game, you’re literally out of excuses at this point.

Ever tried to smack someone in the face with a SMG and get the short end of the exchange? That opposing player was probably hosting. It’s been a problem since Halo 2, and no one at Bungie apparently thought it was worth addressing until now.

With the latest auto update, melee kills are now equal ground. It should be immediately apparent with your first match. If both players are injured enough, the dual melee with kill both players flat. The overall feel is different, and while it’s hard to describe, the B button enabled attack now feels smoother. The timing is also radically different, requiring an earlier start if you want to come out ahead.

Various other tweaks are part of the patch, and are detailed by Bungie. Also, if you ever wondered how the game manages to figure out who lives and dies, they offer a well rounded FAQ on damage assessment in that same post towards the bottom. If you’re nerdy enough, know that an assault rifle bullet does 7.5 points of damage to an enemy. Pull that one out next time you’re being taunted and see how cool you look.

Cryptic Studios, the developers behind City of Heroes, promises to categorically outdo their freshman super hero MMORPG with Champions Online. Based on the pen-and-paper RPG of the same name, Champions Online will offer a previously unseen level of customization when it launches for the PC and Xbox 360. Players will be able to customize not only their hero’s appearance and moveset, but design their very own super villian archenemy as well. Cryptic is remaining, well, cryptic as to when we might see the game on store shelves, but don’t count on playing City of Heroes’ spiritual sequel before 2009 at the earliest.

This announcement comes hot on the heels of Microsoft’s own announcement regarding their plans to scrap Marvel Online Universe, the Marvel-themed MMO that was being developed by Cryptic Studios for the Xbox 360 and PC. While it’s doubtful Cryptic’s work on Champions Online was affecting their Marvel MMO in any way, the company’s focus on only a single next-gen super hero MMO will no doubt improve the quality of the final product just the same. City of Heroes is still one of the most interesting and unique MMORPGs on the market today, and we expect Champions Online to have just as much staying power.

For a full list of offenses so you can avoid being on this list, see the roundup of rules on this post.

Gamertag: oaffmaster
Found: Call of Duty 4 Free for All

Awards: Outside Conversator, Losing Trash Talker, The Cheater

Specific Offenses: Playing with oaffmaster was like a cheap rip-off version of Borat. His non-stop Borat impression, one which wasn’t even accurate, talked about having sex with dead grandmothers when he was shot, or how he had had someones mother the previous night when he shot them. The only time he stopped was when he started talking to someone else, in a non-Borat voice, outside of the game. He quit the match with about a minute to go.

Gamertag: Useless Jarod
Found: Call of Duty 4 Team Deathmatch

Awards: The Singer, Losing Trash Talker

Specific Offenses: Constant high pitched signing during the entire match distracted the entire team from doing anything, and when the match was over, he decided to cuss out the opposing team even though we were slaughtered.

Gamertag: DEF MUD ROCK
Found: Call of Duty 4 Team Deathmatch

Awards: Outside Conversator, Walk Away

Specific Offenses: If anything, DEF has a first. During the match, DEF began to make funeral plans for someone. Really. The entire match was about the location of this dead friend, what they should wear, and what time to be there. Of course, he cared enough to occasionally check in to see if we were winning. His character never moved aside from spawning after being killed. We won, no thanks to him. Sorry for the loss, but don’t you have better things to do in this situation other than play Call of Duty?

It was only a matter of time before the biggest name in gaming and the biggest name in sports crossed paths. ESPN just uploaded a video featuring the top ten Halo 3 kills, complete with commentary from Chris Puckett of Major League Gaming. I guess it’s official; gaming is a sport.

While none of my saved films, Halo 3 or otherwise, measure up to the high level of skill on display here, I’m betting more than a few people have videos that are equally impressive on their Xbox 360’s hard drives. Thanks, Bungie, your saved films feature is the gift that keeps on giving, and may just bring professional gaming to the mainstream before all is said and done.

Another mostly worthless week for multiplayer releases. Still, if you’re desperate enough to happen to fit in one specific niche or the other, you mind find a game or two worth enjoying.

Pick of the Week: The Club Third-Person Shooter | 360, PS3, PC Ignore the “hip,” “urban” setting and art direction. Ignore the simple gameplay and the budget title sensibilities. Behind these abstractions lurks a legitimately interesting, if not particularly innovative, title. Featuring eight different multiplayer modes, The Club offers up the sort of visceral, entertaining shooter experience so many games forgo in favor of more complicated and murky waters. The Club cuts straight to the heart of the genre, providing a solid run-n-gun experience for anyone looking for one, and anyone able to stomach the midly offensive take on “urban” life.

Users of Halifax bank in the UK who use their account to pay Activision Blizzard for the chance to play Warcraft have a surprise waiting for them. They can’t pay.

Halifax has blamed the situation on the high number of stolen credit cards used to play the game. Simply put, any attempt to pay your bill is blocked by the bank, and every situation needs to be discussed with the bank personally. Some customer service reps are about to have a crash course in the players of World of Warcraft.

On a side note, if you’re going to steal a credit card, why would you use it for a few $10 transactions? Then again, if you’re dumb enough to do it in the first place, it must not be obvious that you could be buying a new plasma.

The deal which angered gamers beyond all recognition a few short years ago has been extended. EA Sports will now be the exclusive holder of the NFL license until 2012, meaning they’ll be the only ones dishing out games based on the brand. Former Xbox exec and recent EA Sports entrant Peter Moore had this to say to GameDaily:

The key is to make sure we’re in a position to invest aggressively in making the most innovative game…

Um, wouldn’t the exclusive deal automatically make yours the most innovative? Look, even die-hard fans will admit the 2K Sports effort, All Pro Football, was a dud. It was a failed attempt to revive a brand on a budget and it didn’t work.

However, what has EA given us with this deal? NFL Head Coach, a miserable simulation attempt that failed to drawn an audience. Also, NFL Tour, an even weaker attempt at spinning off the NFL license. Yes Mr. Moore, innovation is obviously your target.

NVIDIA, the largest producer of computer graphics chips in the world, has announced their plans to acquire AGEIA Technologies on their official company site. AGEIA’s PhysX Processors were the first physics cards to hit the market. While an interesting enough idea, their steep cost (~$300) and limited game support (most famously Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter and City of Villians) prevented them from becoming the next required piece of gaming hardware. While the official press release skirts around the issue, new cards combining the best of NVIDIA’s GPUs and AGEIA’s PPUs are almost certainly in the cards. And as high-end PC gaming becomes even more expensive, frankly, we’re too excited imagining the gaming wonders these two PC giants are about to unleash on the world to care.

Fans in Australia waiting to take their Wii’s online and blast fellow gamers in Medal of Honor… err, Honour Heroes were stunned recently. In other countries, the game offered one of the best online experiences the console had seen to date. Up to 32 players could hop into a room in various game modes. This was also a showcase for the Wii Blaster, or as some would call it “piece of plastic that holds the controller when you’re to lazy to do so yourself.”

For those players though, purchasing the game at the same price as everyone else in the world doesn’t give you the full product. For whatever inexplicable reason, Aussie MoH buyers were robbed of one of the few online multi-player games for the Wii. EA has yet to actually give a reason for this snafu, simply stating the marketing and packing are incorrect. They did offer a full refund to any (read: all) disgruntled buyers. Either way, it’s a lame move on the part of the company to eliminate this feature for anyone.

Four new multiplayer games arrive in stores this week, none of which will do you wrong.

Pick of the Week: Wipeout Pulse Racing | PSP The always-excellent Wipeout series returns to the PSP this week with Pulse. The futuristic hover car racer plays fast and loose with physics, featuring impossible, topsy-turvey tracks. This latest Wipeout title also includes a strong online mode, where up to four players can race online wirelessly. The PSP isn’t exactly known for its library of strong racing titles, especially ones with meaty online modes, so Wipeout Pluse definitely has a niche to fill.

Runner-Up: Dark Messiah of Might and Magic: Elements First-person shooter, RPG-Lite | 360 Yes, the original game shipped a year-and-a-half ago on the PC, where its hype quickly dried up in the wake of bug reports and a small playerbase. Elements adds a bit more spit polish to Dark Messiah of Might and Magic, and some new content to boot. Of course, some of that new content comes at a premium, as the game’s DLC was already on Xbox Live before its release. Couldn’t quite force yourself to stick that content on the disc for “free,” eh Ubisoft? Still, for those of you looking for the hacking n’ slashing of Oblivion without all the conversation, or a respectable swords and sorcery multiplayer mode that supports up to 32 players, this is the best you’re gonna get.

If you’ve ever spent any time playing World of Warcraft, you’re familiar with Peons4Hire, even if you don’t know them by name. The company, owned by In Game Dollar, was responsible for chat spamming players with advertisements for buying in-game gold and items. Peons4Hire were good at what they did, creating characters with names consisting of random strings of characters (see: Hrysocpoff, Thhvspoq, Xjoimlkzwwp), whisper spamming players using the game’s /who feature, and logging off before you had a chance to report them.

In a shining example of a Victory For The Good Guys, Wired’s Game|Life blog is reporting that Blizzard has won an injunction against In Game Dollar, preventing them from continuing their shady dealings for WoW’s entire lifespan. Clearly, this is good news for everyone in Azeroth. Virtually Blind has all the details, including all relevant court documents.